pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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