Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
