I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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