Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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