I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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