Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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