you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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