My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I got inside last night via doggy door
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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