i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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