That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
