I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
