dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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