and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
