So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
