Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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