I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
