We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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