I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Come share oat with me in your robe
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
