Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
