the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
