Betty ford says i'm here all night
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
