I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
