Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
