It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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