ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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