So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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