Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
