your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
