On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
