What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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