he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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