the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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