you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
