I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
