im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
