You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
