sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
