It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
