I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
