Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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