I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
