I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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