Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I faked an abortion last night.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
