i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
