Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
