My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
