We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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