is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
