just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
no you cant smoke seaweed
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
