I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
