the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I need moral support for this bender
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
