i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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