omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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