I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
