You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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